Perfect-Blue Life • 06 Jun 2018
Does Beauty create Jealousy?
In recent years, women-on-women jealousy has increasingly spread as a social norm. From Bridget Jones to Bridesmaids, there’s a popular expectation that women will envy one another’s’ perfect hair, houses and husbands. Clinical hypnotherapist David Samson explains; “Jealousy among women is such a common phenomenon because of insecurities that are implanted when we are young. It is especially common in young females with so much emphasis placed upon body shape, beauty and dieting,
According to psychologists, there seems to be two types of jealous: benign and malicious. “Malicious envy is bitter and biting, driven by a need to make things equal, even if that means tearing another person down. Benign envy, on the other hand, has an aspirational aspect — you think, “If she can do it, maybe I can, too”
David Samson reminds us that it’s pointless to compare ourselves to other people; “Compare and despair… You never really know what’s going on in the other person’s life. She might be beautiful but she may have just lost a baby. Choose to look at the thoughts you are having and see how negative they are. If you think, ‘That woman is so pretty I know my boyfriend would rather be with her’ this is a painful thought and has no evidence. Challenge the thought and start to look for others that are more positive, such as ‘That woman is very beautiful but my boyfriend is here with me’.
“You’ve just got to do
some serious pattern-breaking”
Blogger Louisa Leontiades says she welcomes feelings of jealousy and uses them to resolve her deeper anxieties. “Jealousy is a symptom of an underlying issue of your own insecurity and fear. The question is of what?” She continues: “Isn’t it a pity that in our society, jealousy – such a wonderful red flag – is suppressed or worse validated.” These are indeed interesting thoughts, that provoke further debate. Could jealousy be used in a beneficial manner by providing us with an objective and direct tool for carrying out self-criticism?
Then, there is the opposite side of the coin. One that relies on more action, and less pondering. Renee Wade, founder of The Feminine Woman, provides her own advice; “If you find yourself in a situation in which you are surrounded by oppressive women who you can sense are not only talking about you behind your back, but actively do things behind your back to bring you down, it’s time to take action. One way in which one can deal with jealousy is by befriending the jealous woman and lead her to feel more confident in herself, and being more giving to her. Giving her reasons to feel loved and accepted. That will bring out a different side to her. And, you can show other women who are less confident that they can have, and deserve to have everything that they want and need. However, there are times when women just don’t want to change or feel truly great about themselves. In these cases, you’ve just got to do some serious ‘pattern-breaking’; breaking of their patterns and habits! ”